Archives For A Cancerian

img_7830This past Sunday one of our dogs, Kenyon, appeared to be fine. On Monday he was throwing up mucus and pieces of grass. This type of throwing up is not unusual for either of our dogs. They eat grass when they are having digestive problems, like constipation. His vomiting continued intermittently throughout the day. I went to dance practice Monday night. On Tuesday morning my husband left me a note telling me that Kenyon hadn’t eaten Monday night nor Tuesday morning. He informed me that the dog had ingested part of Continue Reading…

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Happy Sanhaim!

Happy Halloween!

Happy Celebration of the harvest!

I am on retreat in the Sonoran desert of Arizona at Miraval. After the last cancer/scare/adrenal tumor/then no tumor but scar tissue/feeling disgusted. After the duodenal ulcer healing and the two endoscopies. After the endocrinologist, dietician, holistic functional medicine doctor, the testing for gluten sensitivity, the need for digestive enzymes. After reaching a size 0 – here I am – to center myself, ground and re-envision my life once again.

I have learned many things from the past few months: Continue Reading…

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As most of you may know, we are almost finished with the latest new six-episode installment of the show ‘The X-Files’. For the uninitiated, ‘The X-Files’ is about a fringe group of the FBI that is tasked with investigating alien abductions and beings as well as other unusual phenomenon. The two agents, Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, over time, believe that there is a larger government conspiracy to cover up the aliens, the abductions Continue Reading…

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For as long as I can remember, throwing myself into a new and challenging activity has helped me cope with anxiety and grief. It has been a lifelong desire of mine to really learn how to dance. My husband gave me six ballroom dance classes as a gift more than four years ago and last March I finally signed up.

So, for the past 10 months I have had to focus on being in my body and moving it in very different ways. I have had to overcome my physical space bubble, touch and be touched by strangers in a way that didn’t involve IVs, blood sticks, surgery or other physical assaults. I have had to learn to be SEXY (still Continue Reading…

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The last tumor, a leiomyosarcoma, was removed from my daughter through a liver and gall bladder resection in July of 2014. I am happy to report that she is well. Something, if not multiple things are scanned every three months. When she says she’s tired, I worry. When she doesn’t feel good, I worry. I’m always worried. I am so grateful she is still here.

At the time of my daughter’s last cancer diagnosis, I was recovering from a broken leg and still had contractors working in my house repairing the extensive damage caused by a broken water line to the icemaker behind the refrigerator. I am happy to report that my leg has healed completely. The contractors are gone. Now anything that normally happens in a home – a burnt out light bulb, a faucet leaking, even a dead plant causes stress and triggers my well-worn trauma response. The record drought has not helped. But I am grateful to finally have some peace and quiet. Continue Reading…

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As you are aware the end of the year and the holiday season may be a difficult time for The Nation of Cancer. It is a time of reflection; a time to look at where one is in their life. It is also a time that may exacerbate the loss felt if a loved one has died or is very sick. It can also be a time of sadness if you, yourself are dealing with your own illness. I know that there have been many years this has been true in my life and this year has been no exception.

As I have been writing out holiday cards, I have been struck by how difficult this year has been but also struck by the gratitude I feel for what I do have. For one thing, I feel very grateful that I was able to accompany Jean Shinoda Bolen on a trip to Ireland a few years ago. I am also grateful that she graciously endorsed my book.

I have read most of her books and have always learned so much from her. Her latest book: Artemis: The Indomitable Spirit in Everywomen is a prime example of her writing, another wonderful book full of stories of mythology and how they still apply to each of us. This book has helped in better understanding my nature, further identifying mythological archetypes and contributed to continuing my journey of knowledge of who I am and what I can be.

I am including an e-mail that I received from her that I think is something to ponder as we continue on our path of healing. As suggested, I am passing along the gift of Jean Shinoda Bolen.

December 11, 2014

“Still Here” is a short essay that I read in one of my workshops at Esalen and said that I would send it to them. Intuition after hearing from others about people they have lost:  send it out to all. Continue Reading…

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As many of you know I have a genetic defect called Li-Fraumeni Syndrome.

Per ‘’Medscape” Li-Fraumeni syndrome (LFS) is a rare autosomal dominant syndrome in which patients are predisposed to cancer. Li-Fraumeni syndrome is characterized by the wide variety of cancer types seen in affected individuals, a young age at onset of malignancies, and the potential for multiple primary sites of cancer during the lifetime of affected individuals.

(see http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/987356-overview)

This past year a group of friends that also are affected by LFS started a non-profit called LivingLFS.org. All of us ‘met’ in a ‘closed’ Facebook support group and then in person last year. It Continue Reading…

Leiomyosarcoma

The wave is coming!

There has been so much going on since my last blog post necessitating my absence. In July, from a biopsy, my daughter was diagnosed with a leiomyosarcoma in her liver. This required finding a liver surgeon to determine if this was operable, while all of her and my usual doctors were on extended vacations. We knew the wave was coming and were trying to strategize how to get to the highest ground to be able to survive the hit. Continue Reading…

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It has been a few weeks since I wrote anything!

The Accident

My husband and I took a much-needed vacation for ten days in Hawaii. It was at least 7 days until we both could unwind enough to get into the ‘hang loose’ groove.

Then on day 7, my husband slipped on some wet tiles in the lobby of our hotel and hit his head on a large tree pot and saw stars. I had food poisoning that night. The next day was beautiful weather and slathered in sunscreen under an umbrella, we sat on chaise lounges on the beach enjoying the surf. Continue Reading…

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During the past month I have been constantly reminded of how ‘normal’ life goes on during and after cancer.

During the airing of the Super bowl in early February, my husband and I discovered a plumbing leak in our kitchen that required immediate attention after already having created much damage to cabinets, walls and floors in two rooms. The water leak had gone undetected, possibly for weeks, until the symptoms of bubbles in our walls appeared and the floor started to buckle. Earlier in the week I noticed that an upper cabinet was stained from what I thought was spilled coffee that had not been cleaned up. Finally all the dots connected and the ‘disaster’ clicked. Continue Reading…