Archives For Caregiver

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Then

As most of you know, my daughter had another tumor removed last July. This was her second occurrence of leiomyosarcoma. She had a liver resection. Two institutions opined that it could not be determined if it was a new primary tumor or Stage IV as the cells of leiomyosarcoma were exactly the same. She was 6 months shy of her 5-year anniversary.

As a parent, at first I was first in warrior mode, then caregiver mode and then when the dust had settled became completely distraught. I have complex PTSD and this event was a trauma trigger on the magnitude of an 8.0 earthquake collapsing the entire house. I went into the usual grieving over whether she would live or die. I had to wrestle with Can I stand by and watch my daughter die from this? Would I rather be dead? Even after all I had been through, fighting to live, living through my first husband’s death, could I do this again? I asked myself these questions and more. Continue Reading…

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I love going to the movies. It is the only place where I feel completely unplugged and immersed in someone else’s story, especially if it is a good movie. This year I have started ‘Wednesday is Movie Night’ and I go with a very good friend each and every week.

Even before the 2015 Academy Awards where Julianne Moore won best actress, I was interested in seeing “Still Alice”. My movie partner wasn’t as interested but went this week with me to see Moore’s Oscar winning performance. Continue Reading…

IMG_1185As you may or may not be aware, I have not been ‘out’ much lately. I am trying to come to grips with the latest cancer ordeal in our family. I’ve been digging in the dirt, watching mindless television, reading and shockingly – cleaning my house.

I have been saying that I am grieving. Grieving what? Am I grieving a dream, a vision of the future, an expectation? I realized that I’m not really grieving although it can feel pretty bad. Continue Reading…

Leiomyosarcoma

The wave is coming!

There has been so much going on since my last blog post necessitating my absence. In July, from a biopsy, my daughter was diagnosed with a leiomyosarcoma in her liver. This required finding a liver surgeon to determine if this was operable, while all of her and my usual doctors were on extended vacations. We knew the wave was coming and were trying to strategize how to get to the highest ground to be able to survive the hit. Continue Reading…

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It has been a few weeks since I wrote anything!

The Accident

My husband and I took a much-needed vacation for ten days in Hawaii. It was at least 7 days until we both could unwind enough to get into the ‘hang loose’ groove.

Then on day 7, my husband slipped on some wet tiles in the lobby of our hotel and hit his head on a large tree pot and saw stars. I had food poisoning that night. The next day was beautiful weather and slathered in sunscreen under an umbrella, we sat on chaise lounges on the beach enjoying the surf. Continue Reading…