Archives For Real Cancer


On July 5th while my husband and I were visiting New York City we decided to go downtown to Ground Zero and see the new ‘Freedom Tower’, the ‘Memorial’ fountains and the 9/11 museum. It was a pure coincidence that we were the there the day after Independence Day and not one that the Freedom Tower was designed to be 1,776 feet tall. That day was also the day after the anniversary of the death of John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, both signers of the Declaration of Independence.

My husband and I met while working at One World Trade Center and here we were almost 27 years later peering into the fountains contained within the footprints of One World Trade and Two World Trade. I stood mesmerized as the water cascaded over granite walls and fell into infinity. Etched into the perimeter of each fountain were the names of those who died in the terrorist attacks of 9/11 and 1993. The fountain memorial was very profound and moving. For me it was symbolic of the collapse of the buildings and the vacuous plunge to a state of death and then infinity. It also reminded me of the initial and long-lasting hole left in the heart after the death of a loved one. Yet even still I mused that water was symbolic of life. I also noticed that the fountains were surrounded by rows of mighty oak trees outlining the outside footprint of the missing buildings. Continue Reading…



“All morning they watched for the plane which they thought would be looking for them. They cursed war in general and PTs in particular. At about ten o’clock the hulk heaved a moist sigh and turned turtle.”

John Hersey, writer Hiroshima

During the past few months I have been seeing various physical therapists, first for tendonitis in my wrists and arms. The pain then moved to my right shoulder where my shoulder blade is now protruding hence necessitating a new physical therapist. The quest to release this pain and get back in alignment is also augmented by seeing a myofascial release practitioner. See:

Trigger point massage at physical therapy is highlighting the fact that my muscles are frozen in spasms and knots not just in my right shoulder, but also throughout my entire back and along my spine. I wonder, how is it I can be in so much pain and for the most part am not even aware of it until I am touched or it becomes so bad it then enters my awareness?

The physical therapist does not think this is the result of any injury or trauma, at least on the physical level. So what is left – emotional injury, psychological injury, repressed feelings, stress trauma? This is the next quest in my journey of healing—to determine what is causing this and fix it. Continue Reading…



The answer to the first question is, well, no and yes. The how is that you have to find an agent to represent you and your manuscript to a publisher. According to the six agents that were contacted regarding representing me to sell my manuscript to a traditional publishing house, the answer was ‘NO’. The reasons given basically were as follows:

  1. Traditional publishing is rapidly changing. A memoir about cancer by an unknown author will be a hard sell.
  2. While your story is amazing, we no longer represent these types of books. We are more into ‘YA’ or young adult fiction. Good luck to you though!
  3. Even though your story sounds intriguing, I do not have the time to read it and would need to further understand the context.
  4. No response
  5. No response
  6. The market is saturated in this field.. or in my words–“Been done to death”


So what is a person to do? I could keep working on trying to find an agent. This would require a dog and pony show, letter writing, writing for magazines, blogging for the Huffington Post. I get cancer with the frequency of turning over a leased car…therefore, I have no time to mess around. Continue Reading…


Breaking Bad

As I anxiously await the final episodes of the AMC hit drama Breaking Bad that begins tonight, I am reminded of how it all began.

Remember back to January of 2008, Walter White was diagnosed with potentially fatal lung cancer. His cancer diagnosis presumably set off the next 5 plus years of Emmy Award-winning drama. However, potentially there are other reasons for him ‘breaking bad’, one of which is not living the life that would afford him to leave behind enough money to support his family after his death.

Is it his anger at his diagnosis that forces Walter to evaluate that even though he’d played by the rules (including not even smoking) that he got screwed anyway that forces him to ‘break bad’? Or does his imminent mortality allow him to give himself permission to say what the heck and to hell with everything? Continue Reading…